我的见证：我找到了耶稣和我的背道，重回耶稣身边
我想写下的这个见证，包含了两项内容。第一是我怎样找到了耶稣，第二单跟从耶稣不要跟从人。
当耶稣把我这个认真的宗教徒从所有的教会拖出来之后，我仍然被宗教的灵控制，依然想要在网上找点什么讲道听，以为那样可以找到耶稣，听听他人的经验，看看怎样摆正自己和耶稣的关系。所以我听了几乎网上各种人的讲道，也阅读文字，包括我记得还有司布真、穆勒，读什么天路历程、荒漠甘泉。可是有一天圣灵却提醒我, 我不会在那些东西里找到耶稣。立刻，我关掉网上这一切讲道之类，再也没有打开过。然后开始了到耶稣面前叩门的过程。单单向耶稣祷告。不听任何他人、赞美诗、讲道，不听任何声音。我知道那些不会让我找到耶稣。这就是我们向着耶稣的真诚。我们想认识耶稣，想单单认识他，需要停止听一切的声音，单为耶稣保留心耳。如果我们不这样做，就像我们一边对配偶说我忠于你，只爱你，可是我却依然左顾右盼，寻找别人，我们只是嘴上说说而已。我们对配偶并不忠诚。
在我关掉一切声音的同时，也关掉了社交，所以每天我生活中只有一个活人，我丈夫。他很忙，所以我的生活非常简单地剩下做家务和祷告，很快耶稣就对我说话。当我恳求耶稣带我读圣经，他就开始带我读，教导我。读到马太福音时，读明白的我都照做，比如饶恕人，我去饶恕心里仇恨的人，比如免人的债，我就免去所有欠我钱的人的债。耶稣借着生活环境磨炼我，塑造我，给我功课，让我学会祷告并等待他。而且在我真诚地悔改归向他之后，他迅速医治了我的长期过敏性鼻炎和慢性咽炎——即使我从未为此祷告求他医治过。但主耶稣超有怜悯和爱。他看顾我一切需要。
这一度就像蜜月期，但很快撒旦在我生命中放置了一个人，我“出轨”了。我不再忠于我唯一的丈夫耶稣，而是转去听人的话。撒旦绝不会放一个疯癫的人在我们生命，我们不会听从。他放置的是一个看起来非常虔诚，不去教会，声称单跟从耶稣的人，并且他读过十多遍圣经。他的信仰在当时的我——作为一个婴儿基督徒看来，非常成熟。所以我很快转移了对耶稣的注意力。这个人开始教导我看电视也没有什么，即使圣灵提醒我不要看那些浪费时间，我依然认为这个成熟的人都看，肯定没什么，因此拒绝服从圣灵。这期间虽然圣灵依然对我说话，多次提醒我许多事情，可是我的生命几乎没有任何成长。我无法胜过罪。
直到再一次，耶稣改变我的生活环境来叫醒我。他让我搬到新西兰——之前我从未想过出国生活，因为中国是我们的舒适区。在这里，让我一个从不用YouTube的人偶然在推特上看到了Jan（finalcall07）羊弟兄的视频。当时我就震撼了。他所领受的许多真理，就是多年前圣灵教过我的。多年来我从未遇到这样一个人。我知道他在教导真理。他所得的都是来自上面。借着他的视频，耶稣再次唤醒了我，让我看到没有胜过罪，还在犯罪的我正走向地狱，两手空空，没有任何果实。我简直惊出一身冷汗。圣灵用英文对我说的第一句话就是：Stop Sinning, Sin No More. 停止犯罪，别再犯罪了。
这之后我悔改，转向耶稣，每周一天禁食祷告，有一天我祷告了几个小时，恳求耶稣帮助我停止犯罪，赦免我。主将我从最顽固的奸淫的罪和读言情小说和看言情剧上瘾的瘾中释放得自由了。主的能力遮盖了我之后，我失去了所有犯那些罪和看这些浪费生命的东西的欲望。不是靠着自制，是主的能力让我得自由了。主再一次赦免了我这样一个背道该下地狱无数次的人。而这一次我明白，这将是我最后的机会，绝不能再回到过去。所以我也清掉了撒旦放在我生命中的人。当我生命成长回头看时，才惊觉这位看似虔诚的人并不是在跟着耶稣，但却自以为很虔敬地侍奉主。
主曾经让我写下这个见证，警告所有的人：单跟从耶稣，不要跟从任何人。即使一些人是真正的耶稣的门徒，我们也不应该跟着他们前行，虽然我我们可能从他们那里得着鼓励和一些指向，因为他们将人指向耶稣。我们只能跟着我们的好牧人耶稣。因为只有耶稣才有具体对我们生活的答案，他有对我们生活的计划，让我们能为他的国度工作，因为他是陶匠，我们是泥土。没有任何一个人可以将你塑造成耶稣的器皿，只有耶稣能。
现在我的生活单跟从耶稣的引导，做他差我做的事情，翻译他要我翻译的视频，也偶尔去拍他要我拍的视频，去把福音带给那些需要的人，将困惑的人指向耶稣，去他要我去的地方，写下他要我写的见证。这是今早他提醒我写出的。
My Testimony: How I Found Jesus, Backslid, and Returned to Him
The testimony I want to write contains two parts.
First, how I found Jesus.
Second, that we must follow Jesus alone and not follow any person.
After Jesus pulled me—a serious religious believer—out of all churches, I was still controlled by a religious spirit. I continued trying to find sermons online, thinking that by listening to preaching I could find Jesus—hearing others’ experiences and learning how to correct my relationship with Him.
So I listened to almost every kind of sermon available online. I read many writings as well. I remember reading works by Charles Spurgeon and George Müller. I read The Pilgrim's Progress and Streams in the Desert.
But one day, the Holy Spirit reminded me that I would not find Jesus in those things. Immediately, I shut off all the online sermons and never opened them again. Then began my process of knocking at Jesus’ door—praying to Him alone. I stopped listening to anyone else, stopped listening to worship songs, stopped listening to sermons—stopped listening to every voice. I knew those things would not help me find Jesus.
This is what sincerity toward Jesus looks like. If we truly want to know Him and know Him alone, we must stop listening to all other voices and reserve the ears of our hearts for Him only. Otherwise, it is like telling our spouse, “I am faithful to you, I love you alone,” while still looking around at others. That is not true faithfulness.
When I shut off every other voice, I also shut off social interactions. In my daily life, there was only one living person—my husband. He was very busy, so my life became very simple: housework and prayer. Very soon, Jesus began to speak to me.
When I asked Him to guide me in reading the Bible, He began to teach me personally. As I read the Gospel of Matthew, whatever I understood, I obeyed. When it spoke about forgiving others, I forgave those I hated in my heart. When it spoke about forgiving debts, I canceled the debts of those who owed me money.
Jesus refined me through life circumstances. He shaped me, gave me lessons, taught me how to pray and wait for Him. After I sincerely repented and returned to Him, He quickly healed my long-term allergic rhinitis and chronic pharyngitis—even though I had never prayed specifically for healing. The Lord Jesus is full of mercy and love. He took care of all my needs.
For a time, it felt like a honeymoon. But soon, Satan placed a person in my life, and I “committed spiritual adultery.” I was no longer loyal to my only Husband, Jesus, but turned to listen to a human voice instead.
Satan would never place an obviously crazy person in our lives—we would not listen. Instead, he placed someone who appeared very devout. This person did not attend church, claimed to follow Jesus alone, and had read the Bible more than ten times. To me, as a baby Christian at the time, his faith appeared very mature. So I quickly shifted my attention away from Jesus.
This person began teaching me that watching television was not a problem. Even though the Holy Spirit had reminded me not to waste time on such things, I thought, “If this mature believer watches it, it must be fine.” So I refused to obey the Holy Spirit.
During that time, although the Holy Spirit still spoke to me and reminded me of many things, my life showed almost no growth. I could not overcome sin.
Until once again, Jesus changed my life circumstances to wake me up. He moved me to New Zealand. Before that, I had never thought of living abroad—China was our comfort zone.
Here, although I had never used YouTube before, I unexpectedly saw a video on Twitter by Jan (finalcall07). I was shocked. Many of the truths he shared were things the Holy Spirit had taught me years earlier. For many years, I had never met anyone like this. I knew he was teaching truth, and what he received came from above.
Through his videos, Jesus awakened me again. I saw clearly that because I had not overcome sin and was still sinning, I was heading toward hell—empty-handed, bearing no fruit. I broke out in a cold sweat.
The first sentence the Holy Spirit spoke to me in English was:
“Stop sinning. Sin no more.”
After that, I repented and turned back to Jesus. I fasted and prayed once a week. One day I prayed for several hours, begging Jesus to help me stop sinning and forgive me.
The Lord delivered me from the most stubborn sins—adultery in my heart, addiction to romance novels, and addiction to romantic dramas. When His power covered me, I completely lost the desire to commit those sins or consume those things. It was not self-discipline. It was the Lord’s power that set me free.
The Lord forgave me once again—a backslider who deserved hell countless times. This time, I understood that it was my last opportunity. I could never return to my past. I removed from my life the person Satan had placed there.
As I grew spiritually and looked back, I realized that the person who appeared devout was not truly following Jesus, though he believed himself to be serving the Lord faithfully.
The Lord once told me to write down this testimony to warn everyone:
Follow Jesus alone. Do not follow any human being.
Even if some people are true disciples of Jesus, we should not follow them as leaders of our path. We may receive encouragement or direction from them if they point us to Jesus, but we must follow only our Good Shepherd, Jesus.
Only Jesus has the specific answers for our lives. Only He has the plan for our lives. He shapes us for His kingdom, because He is the Potter and we are the clay. No human being can mold you into a vessel for Jesus. Only Jesus can.
Now my life is devoted to following Jesus’ guidance alone—doing what He sends me to do, translating the videos He asks me to translate, occasionally recording the videos He asks me to make, bringing the gospel to those in need, pointing the confused to Jesus, going where He sends me, and writing the testimonies He asks me to write.
This is what He reminded me to write this morning.
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